We have Tiptree quince.

We have quince that has come all the way from Tasmania.

We have Chatham quince, Grandmother's quince, Hero quince, Maggie's Kitchen quince, Mannix quince, McCutcheon's quince, Natural quince, Old Stone Church quince, Stonewall Kitchen quince by the Republic of Tea, Tiptree quince, Trappist quince, Wagner's quince, and Wileswood quince. We also have Maggie Beer Quince Paste, which, when used "with sharp cheddar, will add so much to your cheese plate."

At the top of this page you can view our collection of quince.

We have this quince solely because we like the sound of the word "quince."

We also have Q-oriented plans. Eventually, we may build a Quonset hut in Quincy, and also have a place up the coast in Annisquam, and perhaps another in Quebec. We'll drive our Volkswagen Quantum from Quincy or Quebec to Annisquam. Once in Annisquam, we can relax and look at the Lipchitz family photos of their summer in Annisquam at http://www.lowellcentercity.org/aaa/summer02/anisq.html. The poor Lipchitz! Not only can they not spell Annisquam (they spell it with one N), they cannot spell Wingaersheek, which is a beach near Annisquam, which they spell Wingaershiek. We learned all this because of the Q in Annisquam. What a life.

But I digress. We hope some day to visit the Qattara Depression in Egypt – we have no qualms about it. We will become experts on the Chinese emperor Qianlong. We will invest in qindarkas, the currency of Albania. We will take classes at Quinsigamond Community College. We will collect quarters and use the cash to buy Quaaludes. We will quell, quench and query. We will quibble. We will eat quiche. We will search for the elusive quokka (a type of wallaby). We will play quoit. Finally, when our lives are at an end, we will quit. It will be quite a thing.

Love those Q words.

When I was a kid, my best friends were the Fargus boys. There were three of them (and later some more by marriage, although the new ones were not technically Farguses), and they all were and are out of their minds, which they had to be, to be my friends. They saw certain deficiencies in our language and set out to correct them.

This was done in a completely piecemeal fashion, and the work is still being competed. They invented new definitions, they invented needed religions, they created new exclamations, and they coined new words when they were needed. They did all these things solely for the purpose of causing themselves to laugh like crazy people.

Here are some of the words for which they invented new definitions.

Big Bag:	Scrotum
Grunties:	Human feces, especially those that require grunting to be expelled (In a tragic yet unrelated turn, this term was also applied as a nickname to one of my siblings. I myself was called "Grunt" by some. Let's just forget I mentioned this.)
Wacky doe now:	Brother Trip's interpretation of "Work it on out," as sung by John Lennon in Twist and Shout. Trip later associated a bizarre act with the term "wacky doe now," but that's all I am saying about that. Oh, except that even now, when I sing Twist and Shout, I say "Wacky doe now" instead of "Work it on out." It has to be done.
Crack:	A woman's (or, at the time, girl's) private area
Sack:	See "Big Bag"
Sack Cinemas:	We just thought this was the funniest name imaginable for a string of theatres.

Brother Andy invented two religions, Agnostic Coincidentalism and Consaptuism. The Agnostic Coincidentalists pretty much walk around looking confused, and shrug their shoulders when asked about their spiritual beliefs. Consaptuism

Below, we see an actual young "Ag-Con" after Tuesday School:

I don't know anything about Consaptuism, other than that it is a small denomination.

By the way, I myself have recently been touched by His Noodly Appendage and have joined:

I don't want to proselytize, but this is the real thing, Jack.

For a brief but life-changing experience, click here: http://wwfsmd.ytmnd.com

For more information, go to: http://www.venganza.org

But I have digressed. Next, another Fargus contribution to humanity is the word "Bauction." It has no real meaning, other than, perhaps, "Oh, sh*t!" It is simply an exclamation in a world where we have tired of "Oh, my!" and "Goodness gracious" and such tripe. When one needs to cry out in whatever manner for whatever reason, one may cry, "Bauction!"

The pronunciation of bauction is strict – BOCK-shin – but spelling is completely optional. The following have been discussed and approved by Andy Fargus, who first conceived bauction.

Balkshun
Boktion
Boxshun
Boxion
Boxtion
Boqshn
Boqshun
Boqtion
Bockshin
Bocktion
Bockshun

Stu Fargus suggested the following, which I think is sage advice: "[When employed in conversation,] 'Bockshin' should spew from the side of your mouth (a la James Cagney) so you don't accidentally spit on the other person."

I have occasionally used various permutations of bauction. I do not know if this is correct usage, but it is too late to stop me now:

Boqtion, baqtion, binqtion! Oh, the humanity!

Probably the greatest Fargusian contribution to the English language is the word "pince", which rhymes with "since," and provides a needed word where there was none before.

I spoke with Steve, Stu and Andy Fargus, who teamed in the creation of pince, and came up with the following:

pince (pinš) n, adj, adv.

A feeling of extreme and embarrassing discomfort brought about by the actions or words of others; for example, an old aunt (Alice) playing the piano and singing Zippity Do Dah in an Aunt Bee-type voice. [Steve]

Usage Notes:

Pince is often caused by overt and extreme displays of emotion, or, in some familes, any display of emotion whatsoever.

Pince goes right up your spine. You cannot endure a pince thing and remain seated. There must be a physical reaction to expel the pince. (In rare cases, extreme pince can actually cause pain in your wiener.) Context is important too. For example, road kill with intestines can make you cringe, but it is not pince. Dr. Phil is pince. [Stu]

You can see that we need pince, if not in our daily existence, then certainly in our language.

Hmmm. I seem to be done, and yet I have no idea what the point was. How pince.

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One final word on the Flying Spaghetti Monster: below is my current Windows background. It fills me with hope during these troubled times.